This week I needed a break from my hectic schedule so I ran away for a few days. I ran away to New York to visit some friends and I did get caught in the storm on the way back.
Resting and relaxing is not something really in my nature. I jokingly blame my mother for this. We come from a family of hard workers. “Days off” are not really a common occurrence in my life and it’s only very recently I’m working on building them into my schedule. This break was very much needed because I could feel myself getting worn out.
Relaxing is important to everyone and leading the type of life I do, it’s even more important. If I get too stressed, my Lyme acts up and I will get very sick very quickly. I’m talking about not being able to swallow liquids or solids serious. 48 hours of that and then I’m needing to get my nutrients from tubes. Luckily, I have a Prius and can travel quite a bit on not a lot of gas.
My last day of adventuring ended up with me leaving Vermont yesterday. I bid farewell to one of my best friends and knew I’d be seeing him again soon. Through the winter storm advisory, my little prius ventured back to Maine. The glow of spending good times with my friends helped to keep me safe as the snow drifted around me. The people I hung out with are some of my closest friends. They know some of my deep dark secrets and still want to be friends with me. That means a lot since some of my baggage does not say “Handle with care” as much as “Danger: Contents under pressure” or “Warning: Flammable”.
I’ll be the first to say I’m not the best at interpersonal relationships. It was the observations of one of my best friends that really drove the point home to me. Talking about yet another person who I once was close friends with who now dislikes me, she pointed out the theme of my life.
“You know Brigid, that happens a lot to you. Some of your closest friends once really disliked you and people who you once were best friends with now dislike you. People either like you or they don’t. There’s no real middle ground.”
I’ve heard this a lot. Like A LOT. Something about this really sunk into me this time. This past year I’ve distanced myself from some people who are working on their own baggage and the place they are in right now is toxic to me. Or the more accurate thing is to say the more I learned about them the more I decided I didn’t want to be close to them.
How do you deal with that?
I’m quick to socialize and quick to trust some people, but the more I learned about some people the more I learn they can’t be close to me. I can’t be friends with people who are not patient, who are emotionally volatile, or who won’t communicate about serious emotional issues with me. Those people are best kept at arms length from me because I care too much. I care about people who don’t hesitate to wound me or who really don’t care about me.
That being said, I am learning more and more who I do want to be involved in my life. It’s important to realize now everyone will like me, but there are people who love me for my flaws. The love of my friends and family helps when the world feels too heavy. We all have those days when things pile up on us like the snow accumulating outside my windows. But the snow must end and summer is just around the corner. Things take awhile, but I can rest soundly knowing my friends can help dig me out if I need a hang.