When the wave breaks

There are days when it is an achievement to shower and get dressed.

There are days when eating or remembering to eat enough is a victory.

There are days when the safest place in the world is my bed with my stuffed animals.

Having depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) does not make a person weak. It means the weight we carry is just more invisible. It is a weight sometimes only we can see and sometimes other do not understand.

Some people won’t understand why my blood pressure spikes when I see a blue Volvo drive by.

Some people won’t understand why I can’t listen to My Chemical Romance’s song “Poison”.

Some people won’t understand why I get a debilitating migraine and sleep 14+ hours a day from around February 27th to March 6th.

It doesn’t matter so much if people can’t understand why I struggle. The important thing is to realize I do struggle at times and it takes a tremendous amount of work to look like nothing is wrong. There are days when I’d rather spend my energy feeding myself and trying to do something I enjoy.

Sometimes I trap myself into thinking showing my true self is a sign of weakness. This is wrong and this is from years of conditioning from many different people.
I am a strong woman.
I became this strong by failing, by breaking and picking up the pieces after the dust settles.

My strength comes from pushing myself to paddle on in the rough waters and keep my head above the crashing waves. Going beneath the crest does not mean I’ve drowned. Sometimes the water is cool and is needed to wake me up.

I’m not drowning; I’m just going for a swim.

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