I have to deal with a Lamp on a regular basis. Now, this is not really a lamp. Instead it is a person who I have the same amount of emotional connection to as I would to a lamp.
It’s a survival trait long since carried on since childhood.
I’ve getting very skilled at it.
Now Lamps generally exist in one place and sometimes they get in our way. Certain Lamps may emit a high pitch buzzing which you have to deal with, even though you wish the Lamp was silent like all other lamps. There is always going to be a Lamp around somewhere so it’s not worth upsetting yourself over their existence. Lamps do have a place in the world and are useful to some.
I point out Lamps to make it clear I am capable of emotional detachment. It’s just something I’ve always done and I know of others on the spectrum who are equally skilled at turning people into Lamps. Lamps are people who have had a direct negative impact on my mental and physical health. This is the golden rule for me to turn people into Lamps.
That being said, people don’t tend to understand it. I honestly don’t understand if other people just walk around the world the world with invisible bags of emotions weighing them down. Do people really continue to hold grudges from years ago based on perceived slights? Doesn’t that cause you to be more emotionally drained while never really affecting the other person in the slightest? How, and most importantly why, would you regulate your emotions to the point where you don’t even listen to your own emotional compass when interacting with someone who clearly disregards your well-being?
I don’t have the interest or energy to try to navigate those social/emotional obstacle courses.
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”- Nelson Mandela
It genuinely confuses me when people invalidate my experiences by attributing my behaviors to some past emotional context. The ironic thing is this only ever happens when I provide solid facts which cannot be manipulated with emotions. Some facts, like rules, exist independently of an emotional context. Yes, the speed limit is still 35 MPH even when you are in a bad mood.
Translation of very recent conversation;
Me, “Hey, it’s starting to rain.” (Calmly standing by as the skies open and buckets of water begin to drench everything not covered)
Them, “Why are you making this about your past emotional trauma?!” (As they stand out sopping wet in the rain.)
Back from my adventures, it’s become glaringly obvious some people just don’t understand me. I have the emotional fortitude and skill, after months of hard work, to not live in the emotional past. The injustices and trauma from the past year have lost their fresh “sting” over the course of time. Part of it may be giving a presentation on Bullying at a national conference in front of a room full of both friends and strangers. Part of it is also just acknowledging life has its fair share of Lamps and we must do our best to navigate gracefully around all the power-cords.