Last night I did something never before attempted: I went out on a date with a person met through an online dating website. Keep in mind, I have not gone out on a date in 7 years and my longest relationship lasted a month. My roommates have been helping with the preliminary screening process because they understand people better than me s
ometimes most times. If someone says they absolutely love movies and their favorite movie is “The Grinch” with Jim Carrey, their taste in movies may not be top notch. My friends are being really supportive as I give this whole ‘dating’ thing for a whirl. So after a few weeks of talking to Mister Match, I agreed to meet him for a drink at a local bar. I got out of work and ran a few errands before heading over to the bar.
Now it was only walking towards the bar I realized a HUGE problem. How was I going to recognize this person? Pictures online are sometimes misleading, but that’s not even the worse part. Now the problem with me is face blindness. Brigid Fact Fact! I tend to ignore people when walking around because I cannot identify 90% of people in location A if I met them in location B. Sometimes a new haircut or a person not having glasses on will also completely throw me off. I tend to identify my friends in a crowd through a combination of sounds, smells, visual cues, and their energy. The last one’s a bit complicated to explain to some, but now’s not the time.
Standing in the middle of the room, I quickly did the math and noticed who looked like they were alone. Right at the end of the bar was my date. We heading into the side room and began to chat. Now, it may be my fault, but the date felt more like an interview. The questions were coming from my side and quickly falling into the void of his side. He seemed like a really nice guy, but there was a communication block between us.
See, the purpose of this online business is not really to find the love of my life. I’m looking to expand my circle of friends and meet cool new people who I’d enjoy hanging out with. Quickly eliminating the people looking to settle down and get married, the people currently chatting with me have been genuinely cool people. This made the letdown of not really clicking with the person even more of a letdown.
When we parted ways, there was an awkward dance. Not sure if anyone else has done this hug/handshake/kiss dance, but it is a familiar one to me. Trying to go in for a handshake, (Don’t give me that look! Handshakes are awesome) and then deflect to the hug when they are confused, and finally give into the goodnight peck. Yup, not really feeling anything as I quickly made my way to the local goth club night. I went in feeling deflated and genuinely bummed out. I don’t want to spend my time kissing frogs when I’m not really looking for a prince charming.
No sooner than I got to the bar did my friends offer great words of wisdom. See as one of the youngsters, and just because that’s the type of person I am, advice from people who have already done things really helps me. Different perspectives can seem alien to me and like a social anthrolopoligist, gathering these bits of information excite my by expanding my view of the world.
People told me I was brave to try this new endeavor and some of my friends enjoy living vicariously through me. Others who had done similar things had let me know it takes some time and this whole ordeal really helps let you know what type of person you want in your life. One of my other friends advised me to go to places I wanted to be and I’d find similar minded people in those places.
The complex world of social relationships confuses me a lot. My adventure this year is going to make me figure out more the type of people I want to have in my life. A few toxic people got left behind last year so now there is once again space in my life for healthy people. That being said, I also need to prioritize time for me. If my relationship with myself is not a good one, there is no way to be there for others. To quote the famous RuPaul, “‘If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”