Category Archives: Goal

Big thoughts on a blank page

I miss your blog.
You should write more.
You have so much to say.

I need to hold onto those statements by friends and colleagues as I, as well as many others, get occasionally trapped thinking we are impostors. I see this happen to many of my artistic friends and it’s only when we allow ourselves to be authentic do we get to the places we need to go or the results we are seeking. There are so many people in the disability field with different voices, yet each of us has a different story unique to ourselves. Our triumphs, tribulations, strengths, flaws, and so many other pieces are what provides the whole picture. I get stuck in my head at times and as entertaining as it is there, it’s important for me to connect with others. It’s important to remind myself my flaws are part of my whole picture.

I do have something to say.
My voice can impact change.
The fact that I can’t fold my own laundry in a timely fashion has no impact on my ability to help others.

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For those of you who’ve seen this website before you may realize I’ve tweaked it a bit and will be doing some more soon. I’ve also been silent here because it’s taken time getting all my ducks in a row as my dreams are becoming a reality. This fall, I am beginning to offer movement classes for children and adults in the Southern Maine area. Although the intention is for these classes to geared towards the disability community, all are welcomed to attend. The dates, times, and signups will be on this site and my FaceBook page when they become public.

I’ve also begun the first baby steps of creating a non profit on this same area. The Way We Move, based on the title of the Fringe Show I created this past spring, will work to create accessible Movement and Arts programs, performances, and eventually an artistic vocational track. Although the base of operations will be in Maine, there is already interest in bringing this to Colorado, Chicago, and other places around the country.

Right now, I’m currently teach the 3 week Film Camp at S.P.E.A.K.S. for the third year in a row. It’s so wonderful here and the campers are all great. We have already filmed our commercials and this week are creating great group films on the theme of Nature. Some of these kids have been in the camp for all 3 years and to see how they have grown into themselves is wonderful. I was lucky enough to have an artistic mother who supported me and I’m so happy these campers can embrace the arts in their own ways.

Resolve to Grow

If years have personal themes, 2015 was The Year of Healing.

2016 is shaping up to be The Year of Growth.

It’s only the 4th day of the year, but I’ve been working on things for awhile to set them into motion this week. The next few months will involve 2 different dance classes a week, 2 different circus classes a week, and a good amount of freelance work. THIS is what I’ve been working towards.

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When I perform, even if it’s only for a few moments there have been WEEKS of preparation leading up to that point. Ask any performer and they’d tell you the same. Hours of practice is what you see boiled down to the length of a song. Practice is fundamental to paving the way to success. We can’t expect to pick up a skill in one day and we can’t expect to run a company in one afternoon. I’ve seen people get discouraged when they do not instantly become proficient in an area. Be it public speaking, acting, cooking, or anything really, it takes TIME as well as drive.

The good news is we have time.
We have 24 hours every single day.

When I was very sick this fall, I’d sleep at least 12 hours a day. This didn’t even factor in eating, working, or doing human things like showering. Yet I continued to work, even a few minutes at a time, on improving my skills.

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My wish for you all in 2016 is to grow. I’ve seen many people reflect on how difficult 2015 was for them. Speaking from personal experience, don’t let things that happened to you affect your potential. You are better than the things that happened to you. Learn from them and grow in the direction YOU want, unhindered by others.

What have you been wanting to do for yourself? What limitations, either real or imagined, have you placed on achieving these things? What can you do today to move you in a forward direction?

The Longest Night

Last night we redesigned constellations and danced with fire.
We sat on the floor talking about our hopes and dreams and brighter tomorrows.
Our thoughts and hearts were filled with the hope of the new sun in the coming year.
Dreams are becoming reality.

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The universe has been kind to me and is helping put the pieces of my life together recently. It’s not nearly seeming as forced as my attempts were in the fall, before surgery, so it feels more organic without being forced. This blog is going to go through some transformation pretty soon, including a new URL, but it wasn’t the number 1 priority for the past few weeks which explains the silence. I do have some wonderful news to share about all the things in the works and what this means for me.

I’m already actively booking programming for 2016 focusing on various aspects of art and movement. A part of this involves my recent acceptance as part of the Maine Arts Commission’s  PK-12 Teaching Artists Roster. This means I’ll be available to create both after-school programming AND teach classes during the school day.

I’ll also be working the Flow Arts Institute to write articles about disability, health, and wellness related to the spinning arts in the upcoming year.

Rumors of a book (or two) have some weight are also in the works with some brilliant collaborators.

For those concerned about my health, despite multiple setbacks my doctors continue to note my recovery progress with the most recent milestone reached this week of laying on my stomach while on a solid surface.

My performance life is being revitalized with a few “Sparks” of creativity helping pull me out of a lull. Even with health issues, there have been new skills being worked on in a little wooden cabin in the woods of Maine. Some wonderful collaborations are in the works with the local performance community and possibly the entire New England art community.

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The winter solstice is the longest night of the year. It’s a time of reflection and optimism as we look at the growth of the past few seasons.  My solstice was celebrated with friends who have really helped me thrive in the past few years personally, professionally, and creatively. Next week will be more of a personal ‘year in review’ post, but for now I’ll leave you with the professional things to look forward to in my life.

Obligatory Look Back

Yup… Everyone does one of these. It’s nothing new and in fact it’s all about the old. This is the day when people look back with a skewed light and reflect on the blip that was 2014.

For me, it was exactly how I expected to spend my 25th year on this earth: unscripted chaos.

The year started with major health scare in the family and progressed to being on the receiving end of months of domestic abuse. I’ve chosen to leave behind decade long friendships in the wake and have begun to really do that whole “define positive/healthy relationships” thing people do in their 20s as I move forward into the shining future.

On the flip side, I’ve stepped up the independent/freelancer gig and had an amazing time teaching a summer camp for kinestetic learners. I did presentations in several states and begun some amazing partnerships with amazing people. 2015 is going to be the year I graduate with a Master’s degree (if it kills me) and will open some amazing new doors.

When I was younger, on my list of resolutions for years was “Get a boyfriend.” I’m not sure when it disappeared from my list, possibly the same time I stopped thinking of gender as binary and became aware I could make choices, but it has not been on it in almost a decade. I use to think of Resolutions as a Post-Christmas list of things I wanted to do for myself. In 2013 I made a list of resolutions I planned to keep and I’ve included them below with commentary.

– I will challenge myself physically and mentally to become a healthy and strong person.  (… I would have liked the circumstances to be different…)
– I will focus on doing very well in Graduate School. (Got good grades and only needed one incomplete!)
– I will make writing a priority for me and do my best to establish a career as a writer in this coming year. (Oh Hi blog….This is what executive functioning fails look like)
– I will resume being involved in the local film community and try some photography modeling. (Check and Check on both of these.)
– I will keep my current skills fresh by dedicating time to practice and expand to learn new skills. (I’ve learned fire fans, leviwand, fire eating, and fleshing. Awesome!)
– I will work to foster new relationships and take the time to grow the ones I already have. (I also did some much needed pruning).

So as for my resolutions this year? Well, that’s going to come in a little bit. It’s not that I don’t have them already in the works, it’s just I want you to think about your own goals for 2015 and look at what is holding you back. For me, it has been the fear of jumping into something (be it a relationship or a freelance gig) and not getting what I want out of it. Turning down jobs and some relationships this year helped get my mind ready to what it is that I want. Although I’ve been M.I.A. from this blog for a month, I have been doing things behind the scenes to get 2015 in motion.

2014 was like the date that takes you to a bowling alley and makes you pay for everything because they “forgot their wallet”. It wasn’t the worst time and I still had fun, but I deserve more for myself. If I’m going to spend my time and energy on things, let’s make them things I enjoy doing.

Vote Early!

So I’ve been M.I.A. from this blog for a bit, but things will change. I know I say that, but this time things are actually working out in my favor. I’m going to be in a position that will allow me to work on my passion projects and bring this whole awesome thing to the next level.

Speaking of the next level….

THAT’S ME!

If you are a member of the Autism Society of Maine, I would greatly appreciate your vote to the Autism Society of Maine Board of Directors. This is HUGE for me and it would be a great honor to work with families, professionals, providers, educators, and legislators to make a positive change to the residents of Maine.

Riding into the New Year

If I could have guessed where I’d be at the end of this year back in January, nothing could have really prepared me for the position I’m in now. Not to say there were not hints in my career or performance life, but nothing really pointing me in one direction. It was all up to me to figure out which direction to head towards and that’s sometimes the most terrifying and most magical aspect of it all.
As the new year dawns, I can finally say I am excited for it. Change can be difficult for me and normally leads to stress. Worrying about losing things important to me has been an anxiety of mine for years. People naturally grow apart and closer with time, this is normal. Even though I worry about my future and work and relationships, these are all normal things everyone worries about from time to time.
I’m very fortunate to be a person with so many interests because I truly believe I can do just about anything. This can lead to problems when my directions split so drastically, I can and do get easily distracted. Though in all fairness, I think that is part of being a 24 year old. So I wrote things down for myself in my little planner, yes I finally got a planner and try to use it. These are my resolutions;
– I will challenge myself physically and mentally to become a healthy and strong person.
– I will focus on doing very well in Graduate School.
– I will make writing a priority for me and do my best to establish a career as a writer in this coming year.
– I will resume being involved in the local film community and try some photography modeling.
– I will keep my current skills fresh by dedicating time to practice and expand to learn new skills.
– I will work to foster new relationships and take the time to grow the ones I already have.
Each of those things can be expanded on, and will be, in the coming weeks. I’ve already been working on some of these things, but it’s time to turn it up to 11 and make things work. My goals may seem vague to others, but they are written like that so I don’t reveal everything at once.
To those who have been on this journey with me, stay tuned to see what’s coming up next. Big things are happening in the world around us and this is a very interesting time we live in. I don’t know where I’ll be sitting a year from now, but I can only hope I’m as happy as I am now. I’m sitting on a train with my Vaudeville Troupe heading to Boston to preform for New Years Eve in the Boston Commons.
Remember, the new year is a chance for a fresh start. We have the ability to begin anew and be whoever we want to be. Embrace the new moon tonight and think seriously of what you would like to do in the New Year. Take care and treat each other well.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Review You

List 1 personal goal for the upcoming year. (Optional)

Shit.

Normally I can BS my way around this question, but it’s seriously making me think. It’s very difficult to simplify my goals because they are so grand. Dreams should be big so even if you can’t reach them, you at least get somewhere. I’ve always dreamed big ever since I was a kid.

I was raised to believe I could do almost anything. Being an Astronaut was out of the question due to my height, as I was informed by my father at age 8 and thus forever crushing my space camp dreams. So when you raise a creative child with the belief that they are limitless in their possibilities, it tends to stay with them into adulthood. I firmly believe I can do anything I set my mind to and reach any goal if it’s truly what I want.

There’s the problem.
I have goals, I’m not sure what I want.

My goals are scattered on the backs of random pieces of paper like treasure maps.

Three paces past the square rock.

If someone else is trying to read my map, they won’t understand any of it.

Spit towards the wind and hop three times that way.

Although appearing disjointed and unrelated, there are things connecting the goals.

Spin around until you fall towards your next move.

It’s not always obvious….

Grapevine twice towards the water.

But I know where I’m going.

X marks the spot.

Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

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It was during a martial art’s class when we were asked the question so familiar to kids.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Sitting on the matted floor, I raised my hand high.

“I want to be happy,” I said.

My friends and instructor laughed.

The other students talked about being doctors and lawyers and bakers. They dreamed of stability and had already planned out the person they wanted to be. Their job was going to define who they were. They would be Doctors or Lawyers or Bakers. If someone where to ask them what they do for a living, they would give their job title.

People ask me what I do and I tell them I play with fire or I say a I’m a professional pirate in a vaudeville troupe. My titles are not important and I’m unable to fit in a neat little description. Some of my goals for this week involve laundry, mermaids, and hair dye.

And sleep, I always forget that one.

List 1 personal goal for the upcoming year. (Optional)
-Figure out what I want.